Thought for the day

Thought for the day…I am really good at believing negative about myself, in fact I find that hearing negative things is so much more believable than believing good things. Why is this? I am able to believe that I am fat, or that I am loud and annoying so much quicker than I can believe that I am smart or pretty. Why in the world is believing what is negative so much easier to believe? For me it is because my inner working model is full of negative things. I come from a background where I learned that nothing was safe, that I held no value. Sure, my Mom told me she loved me, but she also allowed people to hurt me and she didn’t say that she was proud of me. I was neglected and suffered abuse from many different people, including my siblings and step father. I found life really difficult and in that life I heard that I was “fat, ugly, worthless, unforgiving, hateful” and a whole host of other words. I was a child and I should have learned that I was loved and cherished, but that was simply not my story. My life was not safe and so I learned to listen to those negatives flying around me. Today I am faced with needing to believe good about myself. It is ok that I am funny, smart, and creative. It is ok to say that I am a nice person and to believe that I am good. I am loveable and deserve happiness. This took me 49 years to learn to say. I still have trouble listening to the good things because of the trauma that caused me to believe only bad things. I wonder what your Inner Working Model is telling you? I wonder what your child’s Inner Working Model is telling them? Sometimes hearing something positive is harder than hearing something negative…Sometimes hearing a positive can cause more of a trauma response than hearing something negative. This post isn’t about feeling bad about my Inner Working Model, this post is about being aware of it so that I can learn to accept good things to. Maybe if you look at how strong you are and how amazing you are, you too can begin to see the beauty that you hold inside. You are not always what your Inner Working Model is telling you…sometimes it really gets it wrong. I am ok, I am smart, I am funny, I am creative and that is ok….We all get to believe good things about ourselves…I hope today you can find something about you to feel good about and if you can, please share it so we can all hear what is wonderful about you too.

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