Just in case you didn’t know, our very own Cara Leigh Jones is the vice chair of the Foster Care Advisory Committee for CoramBAAF.
Today I found out that I hurt a friends feelings, she has now told me about it and we were able to talk, I was able to apologise and our friendship is intact and maybe it will even be stronger. I make note of this and share it because you will find that our children don’t have the same ability, to work through their issues regarding friendships. They lack the social skills needed and it is scary! I know that I was frightened that I was going to be dumped (and I am a 52 year old woman). It was automatic to think this, as my inner working model tells me that everyone will leave. Why do I share this? Our children are working from a negative working model and likely do not have the ability to “fix” things, to take the step needed to deal with issues, they need additional understanding and help.
Long ago I did not have anyone telling me the complexities of friendships and I messed up a lot along the way. I experienced trusting people I should not trust, I was taken advantage of often, and did things…being a “follower” in order to keep my friends. You will likely see the same things in your children. You are older and wiser, you can see things your child can’t and so you wonder why they don’t do what they need to do…well they can’t, they aren’t there yet. How do you fix this and or keep them safe?
You can’t. What you can do is be there when things don’t work, and sometimes you can explain what went wrong. You may be able to give them some tools to help them understand social niceties or reframe something to help them understand. One thing you cannot do it fix the issue, they will go through awkward moments and they will be hurt and lose friends. They will also make friends that are not healthy. I want you to know that there is hope…just like you made it through the awkward years they will too.
I learned about healthy friendships late in life and I can now hold onto friendships for longer, but my IWM still gets in the way. Please be patient, be there when they need you, but above all understand that they are not able to do what you so want them too…to make the same healthy decisions that you are now able to make. I wish they could…I wish they did…they will one day, until then be their safety net and understand how hard it really is to gain those much needed social skills.
Our new course on Incident Reporting will be available within the next month.
Today is FASD Awareness Day.
Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) is a term used to describe the permanent impacts on the brain and body of individuals prenatally exposed to alcohol during pregnancy resulting in a spectrum of physical, emotional, behavioural and neurological characteristics. Individuals with FASD have their own unique areas that create challenges in their daily lives. They may need support with motor skills, physical health, learning, memory, attention, emotional regulation, and social skills. They also have a unique set of strengths and many are showing talents, that when nurtured and supported, demonstrates their unlimited potential in those areas.
Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is an umbrella term for several diagnoses that are all related to prenatal exposure to alcohol. These are:
- Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, FAS
- Partial Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, PFAS
- Alcohol Related Neuro-developmental Disorder, ARND
- Alcohol Related Birth Defects, ARBD
For more information why not visit the FASD network group.
In this short video Cara gives advice on what you could do if your child is being violent and hitting you. This technique keeps you in control of the situation and allows you to parent in a therapeutic way whilst keeping you safe.
We hear about Fight, Flight and Freeze but what do you know about the fourth Fawning?
Does your child throw things when they are dis-regulated? Cara gives a possible solution to this issue – simple but effective.
Our short video this week looks at how to help our children read and remember the names of things using labels.
This week our short video looks at why the children in our care lie. What is the ‘truth’?