Thought for the day

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Today I found out that I hurt a friends feelings, she has now told me about it and we were able to talk, I was able to apologise and our friendship is intact and maybe it will even be stronger. I make note of this and share it because you will find that our children don’t have the same ability, to work through their issues regarding friendships. They lack the social skills needed and it is scary! I know that I was frightened that I was going to be dumped (and I am a 52 year old woman). It was automatic to think this, as my inner working model tells me that everyone will leave. Why do I share this? Our children are working from a negative working model and likely do not have the ability to “fix” things, to take the step needed to deal with issues, they need additional understanding and help.
Long ago I did not have anyone telling me the complexities of friendships and I messed up a lot along the way. I experienced trusting people I should not trust, I was taken advantage of often, and did things…being a “follower” in order to keep my friends. You will likely see the same things in your children. You are older and wiser, you can see things your child can’t and so you wonder why they don’t do what they need to do…well they can’t, they aren’t there yet. How do you fix this and or keep them safe?
You can’t. What you can do is be there when things don’t work, and sometimes you can explain what went wrong. You may be able to give them some tools to help them understand social niceties or reframe something to help them understand. One thing you cannot do it fix the issue, they will go through awkward moments and they will be hurt and lose friends. They will also make friends that are not healthy. I want you to know that there is hope…just like you made it through the awkward years they will too.
I learned about healthy friendships late in life and I can now hold onto friendships for longer, but my IWM still gets in the way. Please be patient, be there when they need you, but above all understand that they are not able to do what you so want them too…to make the same healthy decisions that you are now able to make. I wish they could…I wish they did…they will one day, until then be their safety net and understand how hard it really is to gain those much needed social skills.

Thought for the day

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Thought for the day…It has been a tough year! Each time that Covid has started to go away, another stream of it seems to appear. I have just spent the last month knowing 8 people who contracted it, including oldest son. Why am I sharing this? Because while going through all of the stressors of Covid, other things fell to the side and got temporarily “lost”.
None of us are super heroes, we can’t work one full time job as a reporter and then work all night flying around saving people. We don’t have super speed to clean our house, balance our books, get to all our meetings and find out all the new info about Covid (all without breaking a sweat). We are human and when things get overwhelming we need to learn to delegate and sometimes let something go in order to pick it up later.
Not doing everything and learning to say “no” when you have too much on your plate, helps you to deal with those matters that are most important. It is ok to buy treats instead of making them. It is ok to hire a house cleaner for a deep clean instead of trying to do it yourself. It is ok to let the dishes sit in the sink before bed because you can get to them in the morning (or maybe your partner can). Knowing what you have to let go and what you need to delegate to others is an important skill to learn, practice it and use it as needed (during covid I have needed it a lot more often).
I became overwhelmed during the third lockdown and I forgot to delegate, I ended up forgetting some things and even missing an appointment or two (very not normal for me). Right now I am adjusting, delegating and feeling more myself. I am stronger because I realise that I cannot do it all. I am stronger when I get the help I need and am honest about how much stress I am under. Give yourself the time you need to heal and the help you need to get there. Ask for help, delegate, and let go of things that are not as important. We will all get through this very stressful time, let’s do it stronger and do it together (and you may not be able to fly or have super speed, but you can still wear a cape if you want 😉

FASD Awareness Day

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Today is FASD Awareness Day.

Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) is a  term used to describe the permanent impacts on the brain and body of individuals prenatally exposed to alcohol during pregnancy resulting in a spectrum of physical, emotional, behavioural and neurological characteristics.  Individuals with FASD have their own unique areas that create challenges in their daily lives.  They may need support with motor skills, physical health, learning, memory, attention, emotional regulation, and social skills.  They also have a unique set of strengths and many are showing talents, that when nurtured and supported, demonstrates their unlimited potential in those areas.

Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is an umbrella term for several diagnoses that are all related to prenatal exposure to alcohol. These are:

  • Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, FAS
  • Partial Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, PFAS
  • Alcohol Related Neuro-developmental Disorder, ARND
  • Alcohol Related Birth Defects, ARBD

For more information why not visit the FASD network group.

#70 Child to Carer violence

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In this short video Cara gives advice on what you could do if your child is being violent and hitting you. This technique keeps you in control of the situation and allows you to parent in a therapeutic way whilst keeping you safe.