Category Archives: Thought for the day

Thought for the day

Thought for the day…To be loved and accepted the way we are, isn’t that what we all want?
Today I watched as a child struggled with wanting to be loved. They try so hard! The problem is that they don’t know how to seek out safe love. They don’t have social skills and have not clue what to do once they are loved and accepted. While they struggled with social skills and ended up pushing others away, I am left with the feeling that they just want what we all do, to be loved and accepted just the way we are.
The trouble is that they do not have the skills to meet their need. This child is unable to see it, experience it or to show love and acceptance. This is not their fault, it is their trauma’s fault. But here I am and guess what? I want the same thing. I want those around me to love and accept me.
So often we look at those that come to us and see the differences, we forget that we likely all want the same things. We are all searching for love and acceptance. The difference is that we can make healthy choices while seeking it and our children cannot.
We are all different, but we are also very much the same. We are all searching for the same love and acceptance. We all want friends, family and togetherness. The difference is that many of our children just lack the ability to see it, experience it or show it. If we understood this, it just might help us to offer them the acceptance and empathy they really need.

Thought for the day

Thought for the day…The sun is out and there is hope! We have a vaccine and the rules are changing. We can get out and enjoy the company of others! I know that this makes my heart lighter and I am smiling a bit more…I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Todays thought is just to say “hey enjoy this!”. As we slowly open up, as the sun starts shining more and we get out to see our friends and family, enjoy every minute! If you can…smile more…laugh more…and just enjoy every minute that you can.
I love that things are getting slowly better. We have an opportunity for some real self care and some empathy from friends…so grab on to this amazing weather…share it with your friends and smile today. You deserve it!

Thought for the day

Thought for the day…seeing is important! I know, you would think that being able to use all of our senses if a given, but recently I was reminded how difficult things are when one of your senses just doesn’t work right.
I got new glasses, only after getting them I kept seeing double. My reading was fuzzy and they just didn’t work for anything close up. My distance was fine, but my reading was not! This inability to see clearly, to read properly really frustrated me. I struggled every time I put on my glasses. Of course I am able to know it can be fixed and made an appointment to get them adjusted, but our children aren’t able to just get their senses “fixed”.
Many of our children struggle with how they see, hear, feel, or taste. They struggle with things like holding a pencil or tolerating a new food. So many things make them frustrated. They are also often unable to tell us what is causing the frustration. So, what do we do?
We wonder aloud about what might be causing the problem. We watch and pay attention to what may be causing their frustration and struggle. It is up to us as the carer/parent to do the investigating and to do what we can to try and alleviate the issue.
My fix is generally easy, I need to go in and have my glasses adjusted. Their fix may mean cutting all the tags off their shirts or eating mostly mashed up foods.
Look at your children when they are struggling and consider whether or not it could be something they are seeing, hearing, touching or tasting that is causing the problem, it may just be a quick fix that can alleviate their pain and struggle.

Thought for the Day

Thought for the day…When therapeutic parenting, also look for a medical reason for the behaviour. This is not about ADHD or mental health issues to search for, but about physical issues that can cause and or show up as behavioural issues.
Today I had the opportunity to discuss a parenting issue with a wonderful parent. They were concerned over a presenting behaviour. With the behaviour being new, I first asked about health issues and if they had seen the doctor. As we searched for answers, she did recall that their child had acid reflux and perhaps it could be the cause for the behaviour. My first suggestion was to first look into the physical needs of the child and see the doctor. Luckily she is a great Mom, and went searching for answers (we all need someone to bounce things off of sometimes).
There is of course a possibility that there is an emotional need or behaviour that needs dealt with, but first and foremost make sure there isn’t a medical reason.
Toileting issues can be caused by problems with infections or immature bladder. Problems with smearing can be created by issues with constipation. A child banging their head could be caused by head or tooth pain. Gagging and coughing can be caused by acid reflux.
When your child presents with a new behaviour, or their behaviour seems to all of a sudden become even more extreme, seek out a medical reason before assuming that something you are doing is no longer working, or that you are doing something wrong, especially if your child is younger and or non verbal.
Always stay calm, continue to use your therapeutic parenting to help our child, but first and foremost see if there is a medical reason for what is happening.

Thought for the day

Thought for the day…unexpected change is hard. Today is a snow day and so my children don’t have school as planned. During Covid routine has been even more important to them and to me. The little changes that they may have been able to handle before Covid, may be just too big for them to handle. So what do we do?
Up the nurture for your children, make sure to connect with them several times a day. Give extra treats, hugs and or gentle touches on the shoulder.
Up your self care, change being stressful on them means it is stressful on you. Take the time to sip a warm drink or play a silly game on your phone. Let the children watch a tv show so that you have a few minutes of peace and quiet.
Reflect on why they are doing what they are doing, is it their trauma and or disability talking? Are they able to calm down? Are they being triggered? What has worked in the past?
Don’t take it personally. When they are being grumpy, don’t take it on and think it is something you did wrong. Remember that right now they are not able to handle the change.
Communicate what they are feeling. Let them know that you understand why it is hard on them. They may argue, but remember that you do know them often even better than they do.
Even with changes, get in as much of a routine as you can. As an example, on a snow day we will go into the weekend routine. This is still a routine they understand and can help them get through the day.
Above all be easy on yourself! Remember that you are not alone and there really are many parents and children out there going through the same things…we are here to support one another so try not to go through this alone.
I hope you make it through your snow day or just a day that has not gone as expected. Stay safe out there!

Thought for the day

Thought for the day…We all have times that we need to listen to our bodies and do what we need for self care. Recently I got very sick. I am ok now and starting to bounce back, but this was after doctors, medicine and lots of rest. Why do I mention this?
I know that my body showed signs of feeling unwell and I ignored them! I kept finding other things that were more important. Some of those things were in relation to my children and others in relation to Treehouse. I did what I tell others not to do, I forgot about self care! I ended up getting sick enough that my body had enough and I had to finally rest to recuperate.
We all get busy, stressed and forget to take care of ourselves. We forgot to prioritise our self care and can get run down. I know that I may have still gotten sick, but I likely could have gotten better much faster if I had taken better care of myself. We all need to stay healthy in order to be healthy parents.
Take care of yourself today. Stop, get a cup of tea, have a bath or just hide in the bathroom if that is what you need to do. After the children are in bed, do NOT work! Set all down and have a glass of wine while watching your favourite show. whatever it is that you need to do in order to take care of you, make sure you prioritise it. You are that important.

Thought for the day

Thought for the day….Communicate! I think for today I would like you to consider that word. Today with all the changes with Covid I found myself emailing all the social workers and schools. We communicated our wants and needs. My suggestion today, working with the wider professional network, is to state what you hope will happen during this lockdown. Do you want your children to attend school? What about social worker visits and or family contact? While you may not get to make some choices, it always helps for others to know and understand your reasoning behind your decisions. Do this before they have their big meetings. Make your thoughts known so that they have something to go by.
Will this make everything go “your” way? No, but it may just turn out that the wider network says “that sounds like a good plan” and you actually get to support your child as you feel you need.
Next, communicate with your child. What is happening? Why? What can we do? What can we control? Let your children know (in an age appropriate way) what is happening. This is a scary time and it is even scarier if you don’t understand what is happening around you.
I hope we see you healthy and strong at the end of this lockdown, and please…communicate with us with any of your questions regarding Therapeutic parenting, we are here to help.

Thought for the day

Communicate! I think for today I would like you to consider that word. Today with all the changes with Covid I found myself emailing all the social workers and schools. We communicated our wants and needs. My suggestion today, working with the wider professional network, is to state what you hope will happen during this lockdown. Do you want your children to attend school? What about social worker visits and or family contact? While you may not get to make some choices, it always helps for others to know and understand your reasoning behind your decisions. Do this before they have their big meetings. Make your thoughts known so that they have something to go by.
Will this make everything go “your” way? No, but it may just turn out that the wider network says “that sounds like a good plan” and you actually get to support your child as you feel you need.
Next, communicate with your child. What is happening? Why? What can we do? What can we control? Let your children know (in an age appropriate way) what is happening. This is a scary time and it is even scarier if you don’t understand what is happening around you.
I hope we see you healthy and strong at the end of this lockdown, and please…communicate with us with any of your questions regarding Therapeutic parenting, we are here to help.

Thought for the day

When you have a “neurotypical” child, you feel reasonably assured that class participation and decent study habits will result in good grades. These kids have close friends. They get invited to participate in social things like dances and weekend gatherings. They make the teams, auditioned organisations and clubs.
But when you have a child with certain differences, this is often not the case. Learning may take longer, both academically and socially. Despite their tremendous efforts, results are often a fraction of their peers and social acceptance is fleeting, setting them up for painful comparisons and bitter frustration. Instead of a fun and fulfilling experience, school can become a breeding ground for depression and anxiety, and assignments a battle ground at home. It is exhausting for parent and child alike.
This is the week of SPED (Special Education), Autism, Dyslexia, and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) awareness. For all the children who struggle every day to succeed in a world that does not recognise their gifts and talents, and for those who are walking beside them, please let this be a gentle reminder to be kind and accepting of ALL people. Recognise that the “playing field” is not always a level surface. These children are merely gifted in ways that our society does not value enough. Yet they want what everyone else wants: To be accepted. That is their right.

Thought for the day

Thought for the day….Sometimes we focus so hard on our mistakes that we forget what goes right. Today my Supervising social worker came over and she noticed a positive change in one of our children. I didn’t see it. I had no clue that they had changed that much. As she said, I was too close to them and see them every day, so I didn’t see the growth. Looking at them now I can almost see it, but as she said…I am too close.
Have you ever looked at those pictures that have a 3d object pop out when you look at them the right way? I have never been successful looking at them, I have never been able to see past the initial pattern that you are looking at. I kind of feel like that sometimes, I think I am just too close and can’t focus long enough to see the changes.
Luckily I have a Social worker that will point out what I am missing. I get to view it through her eyes and can just about make out the changes…see the difference made. Today I want you to consider how you are viewing your children, are you too close, and do you have an honest friend or support to show you a different view so you can see?
I can focus easily on what I am doing wrong, and need help sometimes to view what I am doing right. Maybe you are the opposite, and miss your mistakes or maybe you are like me see the hard stuff, missing the good bits. Have a look at how you are viewing your experience, and get someone else to give you an honest view…just maybe you will be able to see it in a different way. Maybe you will see growth that you didn’t know was there.