Thought for the day…we all have mixed emotions. Today I read the news and in it they were talking about how Prince Harry is feeling guilt over leaving England and no longer excited. It brought to mind my emotions about leaving America and how I am happy here but still can feel sad and miss my birth country. Having one emotion does not cancel out another. My feeling happy and safe does not discount my emotion of occasional sadness. Both emotions are real. Why bring up Prince Harry and my mixed feelings? Because we all have mixed emotions and it is normal.
With our children we will see this mixed emotion regarding many different things. They want to go to school and yet it scares them. They love us and yet area afraid of us. They don’t want to be abused and yet they want to be home and loved by their parents. They can simply like and dislike something all at the same time. Be afraid and not afraid all at the same time. Love and hate the same person, all at the same time. Why is this important to know?
As a healthy adult you are able to make decisions using your thinking brain. You have the experience and ability to look at your mixed emotions and still make decisions that are good and healthy for you. Our children though find that thinking about the mixed emotions and holding them, is really really difficult. It is confusing to feel safe and scared at the same time. It makes you doubt your feelings, what you experience and what you see. It makes everything harder, but especially hard when you don’t have the tools to know what it is your are feeling. How can you help?
Let them know that this is normal, to have mixed feelings. Accept them for when they are pushing you away and rejecting you just 5 minutes after they said they loved you. They may reject you, but they can love you at the same time. Understand that wanting to be with people who hurt you is normal. Everyone wants to be loved by their parents, but boy is it confusing to want this when those same parents beat you, neglected you are even worse. The most important thing though is to not reject either of their emotions…each is valid and each is real.
Prince Harry is likely very happy where he is and he will still miss his home and sometimes be sad. I am very happy and safe where I am at, but at times I will cry because of what I lost (even though what I lost was not healthy). My children will love me, trust me, hate me, not trust me, and all sorts of other emotions depending on the moment. All of them are at one time true, it is up to me to accept them and help teach them that this is a safe place for their feelings. Make a safe place for them to feel…no matter what emotions it is, it is valid, it is real, and it needs you to accept it so that they can learn that it is very very normal.