Thought for the day

Thought for the day…Trauma, it changes the lives of all those that it touches. Consider the trauma that our children have suffered, how it changes their brains and the way their bodies function. Consider how the trauma they experienced was NOT their fault. Babies…children…teens…they should all be protected from harm, from trauma and the damage it does. These children do not ask to be born to be abused. They do not ask for their brains to develop differently or for their survival skills to be honed to precision. They don’t ask for their other skills like social and behavioural skills to be non existent. Every human being should be born in a safe environment, but they aren’t. They are born instead into abusive situations and if they are lucky they get to be taken to safety (some never get out of the abuse cycle). Once in safety though they still have challenges and they are still scared. It takes years and years of re-parenting, of building on the basic needs of survival before their brains can heal, before they can feel safe. During this time they do lash out, shut down, get angry, cry, swear, hurt themselves and yes..hurt others. Trauma changes our homes, we do get the brunt of their fury, of their pain. It is during this time that we need to decide how we look at it. Are they abusing us or are they just unable to keep it all in? Are we victims? Or are we adults that have chosen to step up and help the real victim, the child? Having a child with a history of trauma means learning a new way, it means changing. It means that we don’t take it personally and that we do things like train in attachment and PACE. It means that when we don’t have the skills that we find them. It means that we find support and we do the self care needed to stay strong and healthy. I will never say that it is easy, but I will say that it is 100% worth the effort. These babies, children and teenagers deserve a chance at life. It is not their fault where they were born. It is not their fault they are with us…a stranger. Please remember that ok? Trauma changes…trauma is ugly…trauma is not asked for….when they are swearing, hitting, kicking, trashing and exploding…remember that their brain is different and they did not ask for it to be that way. It is not actually the child you are fighting here…it is their trauma…if you can, take a breath and remember that ok? One other quick thought…it is also not hopeless…all that you do is healing them, so remember what you are fighting and that the weapon of choice is therapeutic parenting…btw..the therapeutic parenting will always win in the end.

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