Thought for the day…if you end the sentence with “there was no reason” or “I don’t know why they did it”, then you haven’t done enough investigating yet because there is always a reason (it just might not make sense to you).
Children from trauma can often become triggered by things that we don’t understand. In fact, the child is also likely to not understand (this is why we do not ask “why”). So what do we do when nobody knows why something is happening?
We use our thinking brains (as the children can’t) and we look at what is happening before, during and after the incident. What you look for is a pattern of behaviour, a pattern will show you what the trigger is.
Once you find out the trigger you can sometimes just take it entirely out of the situation. Exp. 1, if your perfume reminds them of the person who abused them and it triggers them, then stop wearing the perfume. Exp. 2, if being cold triggers them then you always make sure that the house is warm and that they have enough blankets when they sleep.
Discovering the trigger also helps you to implement strategies to help. Is school a trigger and your child goes “”BOOM”” every day after school? Create a slow and nurturing way home, and go directly to a cozy warm drink and biscuit, allowing the child to calm down before having to do anything else after school.
Finding the trigger can be one of the most powerful things you can do to help you child, but it can also be one of the most frustrating! It isn’t easy discovering the reason that your child is struggling and being triggered into sometimes violent behaviour, but it is worth the time and the effort.
We have a journal available on Amazon to help you along the way and also a free video on YouTube to give you an idea of what to look for. The journal is called the BDA journal (before, during and after) and look for “curiosity” on our YouTube channel, videos by Treehouse Therapeutic Training. Hopefully with as difficult as it is to discover what is going on, with a few tools and the right questions, we can help you finally understand the “why” so that you can get in there and really help your child.