Thought for the day…a long time ago (about 18 years) I had the experience of having a young teenager I knew at the time kill herself by hanging. It was a terrible way to die, and I was angry, so angry at the injustice of it. She was smart, funny, beautiful and in pain…and she died. I blamed her parents, I was so very angry at them for not fixing her, for not saving her. it took many years for me to figure out that I was wrong. In my anger I blamed people who were hurting, I blamed people that tried their best to help their daughter, and I blamed her mental health on them. I was wrong. I can never take back the things I said to them, but I can change the way I act towards parents who are dealing with traumatised and children with mental health problems.
In the world we live in we want to blame other people. Everything that happens has a guilty person right??? There has to be someone to point a finger at and blame, but the world really isn’t black and white, often it is the system that is to blame or the chemicals in a person’s body that isn’t allowing them to heal and feel safe. So many times the things we see and experience have an extremely complex evolutionary path. It was not just one mistake or one moment that created that moment…it was so much more complex than that.
Why do I speak of this today? Can we be kinder to people who have children in crisis? Can you look at their pain and instead of judging the parent with the screaming child or judging the parent who has lost a child to suicide (as I did so long ago) to instead give that parent the benefit of the doubt and reach out to help. Reach out so they do not feel so alone. Ask if there is anything they need and if all they need is space? Well, give it, give them the space they need.
We live in a world that wants to blame and not get involved. We live in a fish bowl that is viewed and judged, we do not see all that went into the picture you are seeing. We see the worst of a moment and do not value what actually created the situation that put those people there.
This is not a call to ignore abuse, this is a call to ask you to view the whole picture before you assume it is abuse you are seeing. Look at all being tried. I know that long ago a young girl lost her life to her mental health problems and her parents had tried to fight for her…they lost that fight, but losing it was not their fault. I was wrong. Please, try to find out what is really happening before you assume and blame…you may just find out a way to help instead of hurting another person and actually making things much worse.