Thought for the day

Thought for the day….I wonder sometimes at how we think our children are the only ones that need to change. I think we forget that our child is young, been very traumatised and has likely not been taught the niceties. Our child has been taught to react in ways that we probably do not like. How much do we expect our kids to change in order to be satisfied? Do they need to use different words? Do they need to use different facial expressions? Do they need to learn to eat with their mouth shut and shut the door behind them. Are they expected to keep their room, and body clean and tidy? Are they expected to stop reacting violently? Perhaps they are expected to begin reacting and not shut down hiding in their room? We have a list of actions, reactions and expectations that we place on them and then expect them to “get” it. We get upset, frustrated and sometimes angry at their inability to do something that appears simple to us. We react and say that they are “pushing our buttons on purpose” or have “triggered us”. We place on them the responsibility of our emotional state. Wow…they have a lot on their plate. They were never taught the niceties, their brains are not formed in a way that holds information and uses it quickly and or in an orderly fashion. Then, when they can’t (and we think its a “don’t”) behave or do what we expect, they are then responsible for our emotional state. This is maybe tough to hear. It is a bit of tough love. I promise it is said with understanding (because I am guilty as well). It is said with love and not blame, but with the hope that we begin to look at it a little differently. I am wondering if our expectations are sometimes the problem and not the solution. I wonder if sometimes (please note the word sometimes) that our expectations are too heavy and high for them to feel able to ever succeed. I wonder as well if maybe as the adult, that I need to deal with my reactions rather than expect my child to change in order to fix how I feel. It is just a thought, how heavy must the weight be when we are responsible for the feelings of everyone around us? Especially when we are responsible for the happiness of the person caring for us? Maybe its time for us to do the changing…maybe its ok to let them learn slower and to know that how we react is really not their problem…how we take things and how we react is really not theirs to carry, they have quite enough to deal with already. As I said though…just a thought.